I’ll mature when I’m dead : Dave Barry’s amazing tales of adulthood

From Jackie Cantwell
Author:  Dave Barry
I’ll mature when I’m dead : Dave Barry’s amazing tales of adulthood
This is another laugh-out-loud book from my favorite funny man. With chapters covering topics such as fatherhood, technology, dog ownership, Dave’s Hollywood career and visiting Miami, you’re sure to find a favorite. Two chapters are hilarious parodies of the recent popular phenomena: The Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer and “24” the television show starring Kiefer Sutherland. My favorite is  “Tips for visiting Miami: No. 1: Are you insane?” This had me in stitches: “We also have a growing population of unwelcome out-of-town wildlife species that have come here and clearly intend to stay. Two invasive species in particular have caused serious concern: Burmese pythons, and New Yorkers. The New Yorkers have been coming for years, which is weird because pretty much all they do once they get to Florida is bitch about how everything here sucks compared to the earthly paradise that is New York. They continue to root, loudly, for the Jets, the Knicks, the Mets, and the Yankees; they never stop declaring, loudly, that in New York the restaurants are better, the stores are nicer, the people are smarter, the public transportation is free of sharks, etc.” Dave has a most unique suggestion for handling the python problem once and for all.

To Selena, With Love

From Jackie Cantwell
Author:  Chris Perez
To Selena, With Love
Chris wants you to know that he is more than “the widower of the Queen of Tejano music ,Selena Quintanilla Perez.” Chris was the guitarist for Selena’s band. This is a loving tribute to the Latin music superstar who was gunned down by her fan club president in 1995. Selena won Grammy awards and was poised to be a crossover artist in the same way as Gloria Estefan when she died. But her fans loved her not just because of her music. She gave so much of herself in each concert. She spent lots of time signing autographs after her concerts and made a special effort to reach out to her young fans and those who were sick or disadvantaged. She also adopted animals, including several dogs. Chris tells of her adventurous and daredevil side, where she learned how to ride a motorcycle, went bungee jumping, and loved to drive her cars fast.  She also loved celebrating Christmas and the simpler things like cooking and cleaning the house.  As a child of divorce, Chris never thought much of marriage. But Selena broke down his defenses and taught him how to love.  She had the most exuberant spirit and loved to try new things. He says her laughter was contagious. Chris’s first love was rock and roll and heavy metal music, which he has returned to since Selena’s death. This book is a rare glimpse into the life of a multi-faceted performer.

The Uncommon Reader

From Ellen Druda
Author:  Alan Bennett
The Uncommon Reader
 This is a quick 120 page book about what would happen if the Queen of England was able to escape her minders and mingle, just a bit, with the commoners.   Once she is exposed to the wonderful world of books and reading, her majesty discovers so very, very much.  Light hearted and lovely.

Palinisms : the accidental wit and wisdom of Sarah Palin

From Jackie Cantwell
Author:  Jacob Weisberg
Palinisms : the accidental wit and wisdom of Sarah Palin 
According to the author’s very humorous introduction, Palinisms occur when Palin expresses one of her views about God, Alaska, oil drilling, or the political establishment in her idiosyncratically involuted syntax.  According to Weisberg, Palin’s exuberant incoherence testifies to an unusually wide gulf between confidence and ability. She is proud of what she doesn’t know and contemptuous of those “experts” and “elitists” who are too knowledgeable to be trusted.  Here are some of my favorites. When asked by Katie Couric which newspapers she reads, Sarah replied, “All of ’em, any of ’em that have been in front of me over all these years.” And this is Sarah speaking at a town hall meeting in  Michigan, “Oil and coal? Of course, it’s a fungible commodity and they don’t flag, you know, the molecules, where it’s going and where it’s  not.”  And Sarah explains her foreign policy experience to Katie Couric, “As Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America, where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border.”  This book is a lot of fun and at just 96 pages, it can be read in one sitting.

Googlelize Your Life

From Geri Sundermier
author: Van Drimmelen, Jeff
Googlelize Your Life
This book is a quick read that tells you everything you ever wanted to know about using Google.  There are so many features I wasn’t even aware of.  I’ve started using many of the applications already!  Great book, even if you aren’t that great with computers.